Note to Charlie Sheen: Get Out of My Dreams

I have nothing against Charlie Sheen. I never met the man and do not plan on ever meeting him (unlike Patrick Stewart or Peter Gabriel, who I did dream about before I met them.) It's just that my dreaming time is precious and Charlie Sheen is appearing WAAAYYY too much. This is time that instead of dreaming about banging Charlie Sheen, I could be dreaming about banging Patrick Stewart or Peter Gabriel. (I dream about other guys as well, but we'll just stick with PS and PG for now or I'll never get this blog post finished.)

My Mom loves the sitcom Two and a Half Men. I sort of like it. The episodes with Charlie Sheen are often funny but I think the show nose-dived after Sheen was fired during his infamous (and highly entertaining) public meltdown of 2011. And yet, somehow, even after seeing just one Sheen episode, I wind up dreaming about the guy.

Goddamn -- I could watch Peter Gabriel videos or Star Trek: The Next Generation until my eyes melt down my cheeks and it won't guarantee that I'd dream about wither PG or PS. And yet a few minutes of seeing Sheen on TV and my subconscious chooses to have HIM star in the night's feature film. What's WITH that?

The best Charlie Sheen dreams I have are when he gets me away from the real ex-boyfriends I have suffered through in my life. Now, even though I do not want to dream about Sheen anymore, I REALLY do not want to dream about my exes. Hell, I've wasted enough time on them while I was awake and now they want my dreams, too?

So, to the Charlie Sheen in my subconscious -- If you don't knock it off,  YOU'RE FIRED. Go home. If you insist on being in my dreams, at least bring along one or more of these guys:

1. Peter Gabriel
2. Patrick Stewart
3. Stephen Fry
4. Jeremy Brett
5. Harrison Ford
6. Secretariat
7. Mads Mikkelson
8. Anthony Hopkins
9. David Bowie
10. Sherlock Holmes (yes, I know he's a fictional character, but arguably so is Sheen.)

And so I end this blog post with (what else?) a Peter Gabriel interview clip: