Dreamt About Hell: One of My Best Dreams Ever

The other night I dreamt I went to Hell.  I didn't die in the dream.  I also didn't intentionally go to Hell.  There were these two escalators at a busy mall/shopping center.  One escalator clearly was marked "HEAVEN" while the other was clearly marked "HELL."  I went on the escalator marked as going to Heaven and wound up in Hell.

That's my kind of subconscious for you.

Anyway, I'm here to tell you that Hell ain't that bad.  The demons there offered me a job.  They liked my attitude.  After I realized I'd been tricked into Hell, I started comparing some of the staff to Roman Emperors.  For some reason, they found this hysterical and offered me the job of welcoming people to Hell.  I sat in a folding chair and card table and ushered people inside.

Hell had white walls, lots of long and narrow corridors and no humidity.  All of the demons looked exactly like regular people.  There was a large store were you could get real quality pornographic books.  You know -- stuff with plots.  Anyway, I asked if there was anything written by graduates of Delaware County Christian School (where I graduated cum laude from.)  The store owner whistled and took me to a whole shelf.  He was impressed that I survived DCCS.   After reading a few pages from my classmates' imaginations, I was impressed that I survived, too.

I was just a tad disappointed to wake up.

So,  if anyone tells you to go to Hell, say, "Thank you."  It looks like they're hiring so at least you can look forward to steady employment.

Completely innacurate image of Hell by Gustave Dore.